I was living in San Francisco when Willie Brown got nailed with a cream pie. There had been a spate of pie throwing incidents in the preceding weeks masterminded by the mysterious
Biotic Baking Brigade, a group whose protesting theatrics had left local leaders and visiting minders of capital wary, to say the least, about making public appearances in San Francisco. It’s been a while, but I think they got Bill Gates; and it was possibly then that they pelted the CEO of Monsanto. Well, Da Mayor didn’t take very kindly to his getting creamed, and he tackled one of the “assailants,” a reaction that I thought was perfectly understandable at the time. However, as I recall, there was talk of prosecution, and, for all I know, some fool or another may have actually ended up doing time over this minor trespass.
Recently, there’s been a
new wave of pie throwing incidents—only now, the epicenter seems to be the Midwest rather than the Left Coast. On March 30, neocon mouthpiece Bill Kristol was pied while he was giving a speech at Earlham College in Indiana; Pat Buchanan, hero of the Jews, got it on the 1st in Kalamazoo (though, it should be said, he wasn’t pied—he was doused with salad dressing); and just a couple of days ago, David Horowitz, poor victim of fascist-leftist indoctrination as a college student, got it in the puss while he was speaking at Butler University in Indiana. The subject of his speech: the lack of conservative voices on college campuses. Two points!
Billmon, the blogger, has
taken issue with these student pastry launchers for not respecting the First Amendment rights of those that have different opinions than they do. As he says:
“In a civilized society, you don't physically harass or attack people for exercising their free speech rights, even if they are the vile scumsucking lackeys of crazed right-wing multimillionaires -- or even worse, David Horowitz. You just don't do it.”
Interestingly, Billmon can’t quite seem to wholly embrace his own objection to this bit of political theater, and his writing becomes much more sharply focused when it is aimed at the “victims” rather than at the throwers:
“But the thing is, we don't live in a civilized society. A civilized society wouldn't tolerate a lot of behavior that modern conservatives seem to find completely appropriate, or at least not worth protesting -- like harassing teachers protesting Gov. Terminator's slash-and-burn policies in California, or attacking your girl friend because she plans to vote for John Kerry, or threatening to kill people who aren't Second Amendment absolutists.
A civilized society wouldn't allow a bunch of wacked-out vigilantes to appoint themselves border guards and start arresting people with brown skins. A civilized society wouldn't torture detainees within sight of the Statue of Liberty, or ship them off to other countries where they can be tortured by the experts, or tolerate any of the other multitude of ways… that the Bush administration routinely makes a mockery of the concept of civil liberties.”
He goes on to say that he objects to the protests for “practical” reasons rather than “ideological” ones:
“…these kind of moronic pranks play right into the grasping hands of the authoritarian right. Horowitz and Kristol and Coulter and the other members of the RNC propaganda department will be dining well off these attacks for years to come….”
I say let them choke on it.
I’ve noticed a trend towards self-censorship and a “watch-what-you-do, say, and wear-ism” for a while amongst the politically active liberal/left, a trend that came into sharp relief during the presidential campaign—an “anything you do can be used against you” mentality. There were calls from some on the Left to stop the antiwar demonstrations, or, at the very least, calls for folk to wear a suit and tie instead of that old tie-dyed shirt (tie-dyes?
pul-eeze). These entreaties were always couched in terms of pragmatism, though it was a pragmatism based on the fear of “our side” being ridiculed by the mainstream press and pundit class as crazy, dope-smoking, wild-eyed lefty terrorists, much as Billmon has outlined above. The more erudite voices among them—
Digby and
Ezra Klein, for instance—talked about the folly and self-centeredness of those who practice the politics of self-expression, represented, I suppose, by people like Barbara Erhenreich and Medea Benjamin—or even the boogeyman himself, Michael Moore. They argued that they were playing into the hands of our “enemies” by fully embodying the stereotype of the America-hating hippie protester, a caricature that these TV characters know well how to deal with.
Let me just say, then, that I’m not a hippie, but I do hate America, or at least many things about it. And I’m sick of watching my tongue in an effort to preemptively insulate myself against being pigeonholed by any number of simple-minded, lazy, conservative dolts who fail to see all the colors before them. Playing this game of conforming to such a narrow, prescribed role can become dangerously Orwellian, and fast. There comes a point when “winning” becomes something less than optimal, as when one must sacrifice everything that was heretofore innately unique and special about one (or, at least, a miracle of artifice) in order to win, or even to compete—and this all on your opponent’s home court.
No, I say let the pies fly, and come what may. It means nothing that the Right will cry “victim.” They will do that regardless. Rather than play their game according to their rules, I say be true to yourself to an astonishing degree. I say be not afraid to kiss your boyfriend next to the children in the park—just try not to scratch his lip with your mustache. I say wear your tie-dyed shirt if that’s what gets you off. I say be a vegan, or be a carnivore—just do it unapologetically. I say torch the flag—just remember to sweep up the ashes when you’re done. I say wear your “Impeach Bush” shirt to the next Social Security reform event that comes to your town. If you’re escorted out by the Secret Service, beat them over the head with a rolled-up copy of the Constitution. I say live or die, but do it with gusto. This country’s long overdue for another Welch/McCarthy moment, and I just can’t wait to see it.
In his
non-movie column in the
Sun-Times, Roger Ebert’s cohort, Richard Roeper, has also taken on the pie launchers, only he views them as “cowards” rather than simply misguided. He assails them for being hit-and-run artists and for choosing “victims” who are almost invariably “older, smallish, non-threatening and/or female.” Isn’t this, though, a bit disingenuous? It so happens that many, if not most, of the people that hold the instruments of power in this country conform to one or more of these points of description. It reminds me of the criticism Michael Moore had to endure for challenging the “old man” Charleton Heston at the end of
Bowling for Columbine. Old or not, he was still the president of the NRA.
The brilliant conclusion to Roeper’s column goes, “My research indicates that about 90 percent of pie attacks are launched by liberals against conservatives.” Well, I’ve done some research of my own, and it strongly indicates that any “movie reviewer” who included
The Terminal and
Spanglish in his
top-10 list of films for 2004 is deserving of a turkey pot pie right in the kisser. And if that doesn't learn him, well, who cares? It will have been a transcendent moment on its own terms, and that's enough for
Medlin and me.
